[Despite all the tension and turmoil internally, he hadn't actually planned this far.
There's the initial distraction of Fie carefully climbing out the window and leading the way across houses-- likely to the disdain of whoever lives there. Her own footfalls are near silent, but as much improved balance and grip as his dumbass goat hooves manage, quiet is not one of their skills, clopping across shingles with every jump. But at least he can keep up with her, the small frame never getting too far ahead, before she finally dips down into a yard. Either someone's garden, or another abandoned home, left vacant for mirrorbound to eventually squat in.
As always, she's direct. She doesn't hesitate. She can likely feel his awkward, hopeless mess of self-loathing and uncertainty just as much as he can identify the tendrils of her concern, kept close to herself but present.
He slows to a halt under the tree, not quiet going to sit down at first-- if only because now that he's here he has to realize he has no idea what to say, or if this even had a point to it. There's a dozen or so seconds of pure silence and hesitation, slightly waving where he stands, as though subconsciously deciding between standing or fleeing.]
Before-- you were talking 'bout wanting to know more about people and why you did. And I shut you down pretty hard.
[He's never been good with words. Not for anything that actually matters. He'd rather have it all carefully worked out and settled in his own head, before trying to express it out loud-- but that can't happen, now, can it? He kicks lightly at the slightly-overgrown grass.]
I know you weren't like expecting anything back, or trying to dig or whatever. But even my excuses didn't make any sense.
[Eventually, he finally moves to sit on the grass himself- bent forward, forearms loosely crossed on top of bent knees.]
I can't get it outta my head. It's... [He frowns, brows furrowing for a moment, grasping for what to say-- before deciding to just blurt out the facts. She can feel his trouble regardless.]
I died today. Back home. And before that-- there was a lot've bad shit I was responsible for. And I keep thinking it's all done and settled and I'm over it, and it shouldn't matter, but...
[It's so far from a question. Fie doesn't need their relatively new bond to tell her that, though it does help. On her end, there is some level of concern, but there's also a strange sense of patience and stability somehow. No expectations, no need for the whole story, she's letting him do it at his own pace. It's easiest for the both of them.
Only since Class VII has she started to accept and even talk about her own feelings, and she's still discovering how to do that. Most of it feels liberating in a way. It's a whole new level of honest truth to get used to. At least that's never something she's shied away from. Mostly.
A cool wind blows through the garden, causing the leaves in the tree above them to softly rustle. All things aside, it's actually peaceful here. Fie can see herself falling asleep like this sometime.
Fie sits there crosslegged and thinks. Listens, too. He seems to have sought her out for a reason even he's not entirely sure of yet. On some level he might want to talk? Or maybe just have someone around. Either is fine with her. The issue in front of them-- him?-- is figuring out what he wants. Even in something as small as this: sitting or talking. Deciding what's preferable is a step in the right direction. Her own experiences are a good reminder.
She glances over at him, eyes free from judgment or anticipation.]
What do you want to do? [It's a pretty loaded question. Well, it could be. Really, she wants him to interpret it himself. Partly because she really has no idea where to take this and partly because it's up to him to show her.]
[As always, Fie cuts right to the heart of it. Doesn't waste words, doesn't scramble around trying to explain something. But that, in a way, is almost encouraging. Not in a way that makes him feel any better about the things already devouring him from within, but in a way that he knows that Fie, at least, will be tolerant and patient with it.
For once, he's almost thankful for that empathetic link, getting to leech off some of that stability he hasn't felt in years.
And so he nods, tension bleeding out from his shoulders and spine.]
...Yeah. It is.
[And he can't hide behind pretending it doesn't matter anymore, can't get by with just pretending that they all just appeared here from nothing, and that anything from before is just a story that actually means nothing.
Her question is a hard one. Because really-- he has no idea. He hadn't had to think about an actual future in years. And 'the future' means very different things to the kid he was then and the probably-still-a-kid he is now. When he'd first gotten here, he'd just wanted to be dead again. To avoid having to deal with this at all. But then his teammates had been here, and then he'd met Fie and Louis and even Shinjiro has to admit that they're all close friends now, seeing one another practically daily.
He lets a hand slide up into his hair as he drops his head slightly.]
I don't even know where to start with just doing, let alone with wanting. [At least the admission is something.]
It's been way harder to get used to being alive again than I thought. I keep thinking it'll be easy: just don't get caught up in something stupid, eat something, look half-decent. [Who would have guessed at how stark a difference there is between surviving and actually living.
It doesn't answer her question, though and he's painfully aware of that, lapsing into silence again as he tries to just.... think about that. As she had noted, though, the night breeze was cool and nice... and her choice of the garden was likely a good pick. It feels open and less personal, somehow.]
I guess what I really want's for it all to just go away. But that ain't about to happen.
Nope. You're stuck with us now, despite whatever you do or don't share.
[There's a sense of finality to those words that leave pretty much no room for argument. Not that she thinks he would, not seriously, but it's not worth chancing. Fie lets that sit there before slowly exhaling.]
I think no matter what you decide to start with, it's going to be difficult. It'll be hard and frustrating, but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. [Her words are measured and even. Fie's not one to sugarcoat, and she knows he deserves better than that, especially from her now that he's come to her like this.] It's no guarantee it will be either.
[That much is true. They both need her to be honest, and she usually is when it's serious.]
Still, you owe it to yourself to try. There are people around who will help you, who want to help you. They know you can be better, and I think, deep down, you know that more than anyone else.
[Their bond conveys the level of sincerity in her words in a way no tone of voice ever could. She means everything she says and will continue to say. It's hard to tell where she got this level of faith in him, but there it is, out in the open for him to experience.
Fie looks him straight in the eyes.]
You're not a bad person, and you're not a coward. Running from things is easier, it always is. [A slight pause.] Where are you left then? Eventually you run out of places to go. Whenever you feel like you're ready, just face whatever it is. People will be waiting there for you.
[Fie pauses again, then adds.] I've been there myself, and it's what I still feel now.
[Despite the finality, he gives an amused sort of huff at her first words. And really, he's almost at the point of expecting that whenever he starts broaching the topic of his less-than-enthusiastic take on the idea of just being alive. He's not sure if it's heartening or overbearing. Maybe both. These people who know nothing about his world or who he may have been before, still willing to belligerently defend the permanence of their place with him.
And so much of her initial words, he's ready to just write off as the standard 'keep trying, don't give up, always fight, always get stronger' bullshit that he's used to hearing-- mostly from Akihiko, really. And repetition really makes the concepts lose any meaning. People say it's going to be difficult and frustrating, and he knows and believes that, but it doesn't encouraging him to keep trying--
And he would have mostly tuned out, if it weren't for those last sentences. You're not a coward, even though running is easier.
That has him straighten up slightly, looking directly at her for, probably, the first real time tonight, meeting that near-luminescent green with visible surprise. It's not a point of view he'd ever considered. Because that's what he was, right? Always running, always taking the easy path, lying and telling himself that he was killing himself to protect other people, rather than face the fact that he just couldn't handle life--]
That's... not what most people'd say. [It's not a rejection of the thought. And it's a few extending moments before he's able to blink, to pull back from the depths of her stare, and to look out forward at the small garden they'd taken up residence in. Something that feels more like neutral ground. The cold night air and the breeze and the occasional flutter of an early-changing leaf, instead of something that feels so close.]
Even if I wanted to make up for it all... there ain't anything I can do here. And there's not anything I can do back home, either. [Seeing as.. well. He's dead. And according to Makoto and Fuuka, he had been for months. The struggled had ended, everything had happened, and there was no taking it back.] So it's like I'm stuck, but everything else just keeps going.
[He knows he probably isn't even making sense. But even just this little-- it helps. Feeling heard, and having Fie, without prompting, suddenly addressed and forgiven him of some of the biggest burdens she likely didn't even know he had. After a moment, he lets out a low sigh, shaking his head and curling up a bit more, shoulders hunching forward, even as another bit of wind picks up to sweep their commandeered patch of nature in the city.]
Damn it, I dunno what point I'm even trying to make about all this. [It's more so muttered to himself, almost as though to unconsciously withdraw the meaning from his own words-- though after a moment, he does allow himself to glance back at her, an attempt to stop retreating, even by the minimum standards.
And he's... really not sure how he missed the fact that she's out here in the early autumn night, peacefully sitting on the freezing ground, in just her thin tank and shorts. Absorbed in his own thoughts as always, probably.]
...Y'know, you're gonna freeze out here, dressed like that. You need a coat?
Edited (how could i forget the dokis) 2019-09-29 05:27 (UTC)
[As per usual when someone semi-refutes her beliefs, Fie shrugs. It's not bothering her if someone disagrees. She has her reasons, and that's all that matters. This time, she's going to share them, it feels necessary.]
You're not running now, right? Talking about it isn't something a coward would do.
[There's no mention of the bond, a huge reason for her opinion. People who are content to run don't dwell on their feelings and mull them over and over and over to the point of frustration she can feel he has. He's sharing and trying to figure things out. That takes a level of courage, whether he sees that or not.]
So just keep going. You might find reasons or your point along the way. [Fie leans back against the tree, not minding the feel of the bark against her back.] Talking about things can be a help. Maybe that's what you wanted to do here. Maybe not. Only you can figure that out.
[His comment about the cold is unexpected, and Fie looks at him, raising a brow. Sure, she's cold, but that wasn't the priority here. A friend came to her, so she's going to help them. Her own needs are secondary now, right?
She bites back a remark about him checking her out. Now's not the time.]
Probably not. I've been in worse. [Fie, that wasn't the question. She pauses.] Besides, you'd get cold, too, assuming you're not smuggling a second one somewhere.
Yeah, but at least I got pants. [Talking about the cold and her lack of cover despite the autumnal chill is easy and mindless, and gives him the short illusion of distance to parse through her words.
He wouldn't really say he was even talking about it. More so around it. Venting off frustrations with no real solutions. Not giving over any hard facts or events aside from his own death. There's entirely too much to delve into, and the longer he talks with Fie, the more he wonders if the specifics would really change anything.
(He has to think that they would. The'd have to. Killing someone wasn't something that could just be glazed over, treated as an accident the same as breaking a window.)
And so he shifts where he sits, tugging the lapels of his coat off his shoulders and shrugging out of it, before handing it over Fie's way. Like he'd said, he at least has actual clothes on underneath. A loose, long sleeved top, actual pants. But even that action is short-lived, and he can't drag the escape out for much longer, forced to actually face the comments she had made.]
You probably got a point, though. This ain't been too bad. [He still feels lost, in a way. But less alone in it. And maybe that was the point. Not any definitive absolution or milestones, but instead simply being able to curse and breathe out 'this sucks' and knowing there's someone who will agree with you.
Nothing's been solved, but maybe it doesn't have to be, not just yet.] Not like anything's fixed but-- it ain't bad.
I'll have to think a bit and get back to you about whatever it is I'm wanting to do, though. I dunno if that's so easy to decide.
[Fie snorts at his statement.] It's not like they're underwear.
[Still, the night is chilly enough for her to take the coat without much further commentary. Fie doesn't put it on right away, instead positioning it like a blanket over herself, still leaning agains the tree.]
I guess it's the least you can do for whisking a maiden out of the safety of her room in the middle of the night. [Look, something else to lighten the mood. It's her usual teasing tone, too.
Fie relaxes now that she's not as cold and stifles a yawn. It's still calm, enough to lull her into a sense of security. She's with someone she trusts, too. With her friends gone across the continent for the last month until recently, she knows she would've felt almost lost with Louis and Shinjiro to be around. The recent bonds and their help with her self assigned mission only solidified that idea for her. Now it's her turn to be there for one of them. In a way.]
Of course it's not easy to decide. Didn't I already say none of it's going to be easy? [It's not a lecture, more of an amused reminder, as she does.] Try starting with something small. Like you... want to go roof hopping at dawn to see the sun rise or whatever.
[By now, Fie's shimmied herself from the trunk of the tree to laying with her back on the grass to look up at the night sky, somehow having the entire rest of her under the coat. She's colder than she'll admit.]
Whisking? [He gives a dismissive snort at that, head shaking.] I was just gonna stay at you're window. You're the one who wanted to make this a late-night field trip to someone's yard.
[But really, it wasn't a bad call. It put that much more perceived distance between them and reality, for one. And then there wasn't the chance of bothering and keeping up Fie's housemates, for another. Especially the bird-guy, who Shinjiro hadn't talked to since their scrap in the streets and didn't intend to go out of his way to.
But regardless of his token dismissive protesting, he lets her take the jacket without problem. Sure, he does get cold easily-- but it's nothing he can't handle for a short while.
He moves a hand flat out onto the ground behind him, leaning back into it as she speaks. And again, this is something he hadn't really considered. That this could be incremental. Small. It's so much different than his growling snarling argument with Makoto about people deserving to know his past, about the necessity of truth. It's different from the idea that things were either everything or they were nothing, or that there was nothing in between wanting to be dead again or embracing life fully.
And so, feeling slightly more settles about being unsettled (if that made any sense at all,) his lips curl up in something almost like a smile.]
Hard pass on that one. Like I'd ever wanna get up that early. [It's a dry tease, though, and he shifts to be leaning back on his elbows instead, following Fie's gaze up at the sky above. Despite the size of Aefenglom, all the magitech lights, there's still such a clean view of them on the occasional cloudless night.]
...Back home, in the city, I'd never be able to see more than a couple real bright ones. And half the time, they turned out to just be planes. [An amused noise, before he glances over to her.] Why, you interested in learning these ones?
I didn't hear you objecting. [Amusement. Nothing but amusement.] Besides, I doubt you wanted anyone to come see what was going on anyway. Despite how they look, they're all pretty tough.
[The settled feeling travels through the bond, and it surprises her in a pleasant way. Fie isn't completely sure whether anything she says actually helps or if he simply reasons it out on his own. Regardless, it's nice that he's not as conflicted as before. People dealing with their own demons (metaphorical or not) isn't new to her, neither is being there if they need her. But this is the first time that's happening with her possessing very little context to whatever's going on. Before, at least she shared a home world with people.
She feels his eyes on her and tilts her head to meet him. There's only so many angles she can move her head when she's laying flat on the ground.]
Not so much interested in learning. More like just able to enjoy them. [A small hum escapes her.] At home, I traveled all over the continent, so the stars were always something familiar-- not that I really needed it. It was just fun to think that way.
[Shinjiro is close enough, so Fie scoots over and lifts one side of the jacket so it's partially covering both of them. Sharing is caring. Her gaze shifts back to the night sky.]
Remember what you asked me about last full moon, about what I wanted to do after I graduated? I'm okay to talk about that now if you still want to know.
[He rolls his eyes, but doesn't keep arguing. Just because he didn't object doesn't mean that he stole her away into the night or anything. But this if Fie, a master of deflecting blame when it suits her, so it's really not worth given even token protests. Besides, she's right about the second part. He didn't want to wake up her housemates, or have them overhear and suddenly get concerned or-- anything else. It's not their business, or their concern.
He tilts his head as she moves closer to their can share the blanket- Half over her, half over his legs. And finally he'll join her in laying back completely, arms folding up under his head as he stares up at the sky as well.]
Guess it makes sense. if it's the only constant thing you've got, you'll keep looking back to it.
[A pause, and-- this really is the time to let her share as well, isn't it? She'd accepted the burden of his uncertainty and turmoil, listened and talked. So he could do the same for her in response. Even if it was something she was settled and comfortable with, she had brought it up, and he had no reason to deny her that.]
Sure. What was so important for you? You mentioned it was kinda heavy.
Mm, well, I probably mentioned I was raised as a jaeger-- a mercenary-- since I was five. If not, here we are. Zephyr was the name of the corp that took me in and raised and trained me. They were my family for most of my life. I... actually got my last name from the boss. [Mentioning that part, Fie almost sounds almost vulnerable. It's an important thing to her.]
They were the top in the continent alongside another group, Red Constellation. About three years ago for me, the two groups fought, and the leaders killed each other. Zephyr broke up, and Sara, our class's instructor took me to Thors.
[She falls silent for a moment, shifting upward somewhat so she's closer to his head than not. It's important. She doesn't want to be talking to his ribs.]
During the civil war, we met up with some former members of Zephyr who were hired by the noble faction. We fought a couple times, but it was nice to see them again. Near the end... they mentioned they were going to bring back the boss. And then they left without telling me anything.
[A small huff escapes her, both indignant and resigned at the same time. Her head turns to look at Shinjiro, eyes unreadable.]
That's why I decided to graduate early. I joined the Bracer Guild with Sara. That lets me travel around so I can find answers to what they were talking about and why they split and left me like that. I want to know.
[That's the summation of it, as brief and simple as she can make it. Her gaze is on him as she waits for him to reply or give his take on this. Fie's not of the mind that it'd change anything about their friendship now, but she still wants to know.]
[As she talks, he keeps his silence, listening carefully to it. And like she had warned before, it's a lot. Not quite as heavy and dark as he'd been assuming it would be... But still clearly meaningful for her. Someone she saw as a father lost, and lacking the answers. And while he can't quite relate to that personally (He's never had any desire to know about his own birth parents, after all--) the questioning and looking for a reason why is something anyone can understand.
He turns slightly as she shifts up, closer and more level with him, as opposed to being as far down as their height differences usually leave her, and keeps watching her expression as she speaks. As usual, it's controlled and even. And if he didn't have the bond with her, maybe he'd be stumped by her blank slate facade.
Even with the bond, she's a tough read. But there's certainly something. Or else this wouldn't be so important to her.]
And what do you think about it. Bringing the guy back somehow, if it were possible.
[Clearly she wants to know the reasons and why they left, why they didn't so much as offer for her to rejoin. She'd already said as much. But this is surely a far more complicated situation than that.]
...And if they did, would you wanna go back to 'em?
No. [The answer is quick and without hesitation. It may surprise him (or not), but Fie's certainty in her reply is reflected in the bond as well as the continuation.] That part of my life's behind me. They're still family, but not where I belong now.
[A sigh escapes her, and she looks up at the sky again.] I know they broke up and left after the boss died because he ordered them to. Wanted me out of the life. But I still want to ask why it had to be done that way. Weren't there better ways of doing that?
Bringing him back, though? I dunno...
[Quiet overtakes her again as another breeze blows through the garden, letting the rustling leaves take over the focus of attention. With the wind, the temperature takes a slight dip, one Fie doesn't notice as much thanks to the jacket still covering her. This topic isn't one she discusses much at home. She and Sara know her goals, and that's all they really need. Becoming a senior bracer, getting used to working with the others, and continuing to improve working on her own if need be. It's a lot to occupy her, so her search takes a place on the back burner often enough. Not in a bad way. It's what the boss wanted, right?
Her eyes settle back on Shinjiro, a little contemplative now, like she's trying to figure something out. Another moment passes. A small smile crosses her face. Nothing wry or smug or teasing. Just a contented smile of being with someone she likes.]
Thanks. [For what? She's not entirely sure herself, but she wants to say it, needed or not. There's a little pang of affection through the bond, type uncertain. That's all right. Everything doesn't need to be figured out right away. Or ever.]
[He nods at her reasoning. Because really... he can respect that. Not clinging to the past so much that it controls you. Acknowledging it, but also its place. Its something that, try as he might, he was never as good at as he thought-- something he's only begun to realize with death and distance between himself and his life before arriving here.
Fie must have been young, then. When they disbanded, when she went her own way. She was close to his own age, right? And all this happened three years prior... He can't say he blames them for seeing a better opportunity for her, with her age and her skills, and going for it.]
Might have been the only way they could see. But figuring it out's one thing, hearing it straight from them is another.
[He doesn't pry too much at the idea of bringing back her father figure. It's a topic he's clearly biased in, and one that may not even be real or possible for them back home. So he'll give space for her to figure it out in her own time. Of course, his first question would be 'would the boss even want that?' but it's something for everyone to figure out on their own.
The smile is something almost reassuring, though-- and awkwardly, tentatively, his own lips quirk up for a few short moments as though to mirror it.]
Dunno why you're thanking me. I'm the one keeping you up way too late.
[But it's just a bit of self depreciating humor, and after that moment passes, he turns his gaze back upwards, towards that massive void and the twin moons. It's not any weirder than anything else, really- the old timey cobblestone streets and the stone houses, all the weirdness. But it's definitely one of the most prominent, the one that cements that they're truly in another world completely, rather than anything based off earth.
At her last question, he pauses, considering for a moment. He did feel a bit better, even though he knows nothing has been resolved. He's still unsure what to do with this strange second life. Not sure he even deserves it. Not sure what it means or if he even did the right things back home. Or if he even wants it. But it feels less consuming, now. Less oppressive and devouring deep in his chest, now that he's tried to put the words out and had someone patiently listen.]
Yeah. I think. I mean, I still haven't got any of it settled. But I'm feeling like that's... okay, I guess. Like there's time to figure it out. No matter what I feel about it, I ain't gonna be kicking it again anytime soon, I think.
[Hell, without the suppressants, he's even been feeling physically better since arriving. Which is wild.]
I've butt heads a few times with Makoto about whether or not shit from back home is worth even bringing up or whatever. And it always felt like it's either all or nothing. So I guess it's good to know that the people I like here don't care about that kinda thing.
Yeah, that's what I want to hear from them. If I find out and somehow can, I'll let you know.
[His comment about keeping her up too late actually earns a chuckle as she shakes her head, still resting on the ground. They both know it's a load of bullshit. Most nights Fie has a decent chance of being up then anyway, this one was a rare occurrence of that not being the case. He appeared at her window needing to see her, so she obliged. ... without shoes. Or a jacket. If there's a next time, she'll be better prepared then.
For now, she's glad he's feeling more at ease with the situation-- whatever the situation entirely is. Whatever he decides to do or tell whomever, it's up to him to go at his own pace. Realizing that is more of a relief for him than anything else it seems. Fie can't blame him for that at all. Having more control over a situation always makes someone calmer.]
Oh, good. You're more fun to be around not dead. [If he's going to be that casual about it, she'll move to match. No need to get heavy if he's not.] Your own pace is fine, but I will say, if you mention something without much context, I might ask for some if it doesn't make sense.
[But now, Fie's lips press together as she fights back a smile. He said it first, so of course she's going to latch on and not let go. She turns on her side to face him, elbow on the ground with her cheek resting in her palm. There's definitely a smirk in place now.]
I dunno, you might not say that if you knew me when I was alive. I was pretty miserable to be around the last few years.
[He'll return it in kind. Because his death is a simple fact, and tiptoeing around it isn't doing anyone any favours. He doesn't need to be treated like he's delicate or traumatized or or like it's something taboo to mention. He died back home, and somehow is alive here, and that's all they have to know. To be honest, it's more comfortable to be able to say it and joke about it without anyone getting depressed or affirming that they'd find a way to get him home or some other stupid nonsense.
As the conversation takes a moment to dip towards something more real, he nods.]
...Yeah. I'll remember that. And try not to freak again like I did last time. [Maybe freak was too strong of a word for his reaction, but he'd sure had a moment of near-panic and not knowing what to do, having that sudden mental clash of opposing worldviews. And he's sure they would even accept a vague explanation. Something as simple as 'I'm terrified of going feral here, because something like that's already happened to me before, and I couldn't stop it.' But even now, the words feel too heavy, too real, especially with Fie already turning up towards him to be an absolute shit.
A scowl, and he pulls his hands out from behind his head, lightly shoving her upturned shoulder, as though to knock her back onto the grass.]
Don't be stupid. If I didn't like you and Louis, I wouldn't hang out with you guys. You're not that pushy.
[And she's fine with that. He even admits it's not his best time in not so many words. Maybe he wouldn't want them to see him like that, take him as he is now instead. Either way wouldn't really matter to her, but that's not the important thing.
Fie finds herself chuckling a little. Admitting to the former and bringing up his reaction about their previous talk? Someone's on a roll tonight. Maybe more middle of the night heart to hearts are needed. Not that she's saying that part aloud. Someone might strongly object ahead of time. If it's going to happen, she'll just show up at his window. ... again.]
Freak out or not, it's fine. I'm not going to push you for anything unless I think I need to know. Or you're being dumb. [When he pushes her shoulder Fie moves with it, but doesn't fall back, grin turning into a sincere smile as she locks eyes with him. There's that earnest look once again, the one she gets when she's speaking from the heart.]
I like you, too, Shinjiro. [Ooh, she said his name. There's that pang of affection through the bond again.] I'm glad you came to me tonight to talk about things. I can't promise I'll be able to say anything to help, but I'll always listen.
[Fie waits to see his reaction, only returning to laying down when she's satisfied, this time just a little closer to him than before. It's getting colder, okay?]
[Late night heart-to-hearts are definitely more cathartic than this one will ever admit or even acknowledge. He's never been of the opinion that just talking solves anything, and right now he's already having to face enough of his own possibly-erroneous-worldviews. Layering on even more would just be asking for trouble.
He does scoff at the comment of his 'being dumb' with another exaggerated eye roll.]
Yeah, I got it. [A pause, and he'll finally concede:] Thanks.
[He tilts his head slightly at the sincere look and the easy statement-- and with that bright spark of warmth in his chest filtering through their bond, it almost feels like a confession. And so he huffs and looks back starward again, as though the void of the dark could hide the pink heat at his cheeks.]
...Yeah. [It's a bit clipped from faint embarrassment, but he's going to do his damndest to pretend it isn't, especially with her creeping closer to him to ward off the chill of the night air. He nudges her with an elbow as she draws closer, the lines of their bodies close to making contact there on the damp, dewy grass, each breeze knocking a few leaves down from above them.]
If you're cold, we could just go somewhere else, you know. I'm sure there's plenty've places open all night, what with vampires being a thing.
[or she could return home if she was tired, but that's for her to decide. He already knows he'll probably continue being awake the rest of the night, lightly falling right back into his thoughts and tearing thoughts, so... postponing that for a little longer is hardly a bad thing.]
[It's not a confession, not in that sense. Not really. Not... exactly. Fie can feel his embarrassment through the bond, causing her snort a little in amusement. That's just a bonus now, and he can likely feel the mirth emanating from her side. Sucks to be him sometimes.
His suggestion has her rolling her eyes a little, for one reason really.]
Like where? I'm still in my pajamas. Without shoes.
[Not even pajamas passing as clothes. There's no mistaking what she's wearing, and while roof jumping in bare feet is doable (somehow), walking into an established business probably isn't. Even Fie has standards sometimes. Shocking.
He gets an elbow back in return, and she sighs.]
If you're this uncomfortable right now, it's fine. I can go back and grab shoes and a coat or something. Know anywhere specifically?
[--Right, the clothing problem. He'd... completely forgotten about that, even if that's why she now had his coat draped over most of her, with the extra fabric tucked over his own legs and lap.
He gives a soft grunt at the elbow at his ribs, and rolls his eyes.] I ain't uncomfortable.
[Not physically, anyway. A little cold, sure, but otherwise comfortable enough laying out here on the grass. But if he's chilly, with his long sleeves and pants, he can't imagine what Fie might be feeling. And... yeah, maybe he's trying to deny how discomforted (if not quite uncomfortable) the emotional closeness is. As little as this openness has been, it's more than he's allowed himself for a long time. Probably even more so than when he'd spoken with Ken right before his death, so deadset on resolution, trying to reject any hint of emotion.
He shakes his head at the question.]
I haven't really gone out at night much. Makoto's out all the time, but I don't really ask him about it. [And, well, the vampire bar probably isn't up Fie's alley.] It was more I didn't want you freezing to death.
Uh-huh, sure. [She sounds totally unconvinced for obvious reasons. But it's fine. It always is thus far. His discomfort is apparent to her, though he'll have to get used to it in time. She's not overly emotional, but she's not closed off either. Not anymore. If he wants, he can blame Class VII and Thors for that. Fie's comfortable with it herself after a long time of not being open to it. There's no going back.
A small laugh escapes her when he mentions her freezing to death. Really? It's weirdly sweet (?) in a way and very entertaining.]
I'm touched and insulted at the same time. [She grins over at him.] Yep, I'm cold, but I've survived much worse. It's fine. Woulda been nice if the tail stuck around, though. Maybe this month.
[The tail from her transformation during the full moon. It was long and furry and warm. It'd do them both some good right now.
Fie draws her legs a little closer to her at the mention of the cold. Talking about it brings it to the front of her mind, but she doesn't comment on it anymore.]
If you want, I'm pretty sure this house is abandoned, so we could check inside for something else. Nothing to lose, right? [She leaves the actual decision up to him.]
[Maybe Fie can serve as an example of someone who is just... comfortable with themselves and who they are and what they feel. From the outside, it's like everything comes easily to her- which is one of the reasons Shinjiro first enjoyed hanging out with her.
But when she laughs, it sparks a small half-smile of his own, the amusement something contagious.]
Hey, I'm trying to be nice. You're like half my size, of course I'm gonna think you're cold. Especially with the way you kept that things wrapped around everyone last month.
[The tail was definitely cute, though. In general, that is. Thick and fluffy and spotted, and for some reason looking right at home on her. She seemed to be taking to her own transformation with far more grace than a lot of other monsters did- Everything sort of slotting in naturally, suiting the person she already was.
He finally sits up, legs folding to sit cross-legged, and hands resting loosely in his lap, over his own weirdly-shaped... whatever the fuck his ankles had become right above the hooves.]
I'm pretty sure you just like breaking into places. [But the huff of breath has a smile to it, and he shrugs.] But yeah, sounds good. If anyone's there, we can just act like we got confused.
[Or like they had just gotten there. After all, he definitely remembers being told to just find a place to live, having no clue which houses were taken and which weren't. Finally, he plants a hand on the grass, before shoving himself upright and offering a hand down to her. Not that Fie needs it, but... whatever.]
[If he ever asks her about it, doubtful as it is, she'll readily admit to it taking time and work. Fie's always had some level of comfort with herself, but never to the degree she possesses now. It's been a sort of journey on its own. Maybe, during this unlikely talk, she might open up about some personal feelings she still has and how she views herself on a personal level. How she knows she'll always rub some people the wrong way, how she knows she'll end up liking people who won't like her, how she's very much an acquired taste who won't blame anyone feeling whatever way they do about her. And how she knows it'll lead to heartache in time, but when it doesn't, it's all very much worth no compromising.
Maybe some day.
But not now. Fie takes some of that emotional confidence with a smile of her own when he mentions her tailed affection of the previous month. It's nothing hard to admit to after all.]
You two were there when I needed you. I appreciated that. Still do.
[Claiming she likes her some good old B&E doesn't elicit an objection, the closest to an admission he'll get right about now. Well, that and the gleam in her eye when he makes the claim. She nods, sitting up as well, and taking his hand when it's offered. Hers is naturally smaller than his, but still warm, a sharp contrast to his colder, rougher palm.
When she stands, the long overcoat slides to the ground leaving Fie in her pajamas again. She picks it up and puts it on properly, the bottom brushing the back of her calves. It's almost comical how she looks in it, something she refuses to acknowledge right now.]
Sounds like fun to me. [And off she goes to the back door.]
[As usual, he's not quite sure how to deal with being thanked. And so he just... shrugs his shoulders, as usual.]
I mean.... we didn't really do much and I'm sure it ain't gonna be the only time any of us need that kinda thing. But we're a team, right?
[That's how he's more comfortable of thinking about it. Out loud, at least. Back home, he was part of a team with SEES to eradicate shadows... and here, he'd found his own team, each of them looking out for one another with everything Aefenglom would throw at them, from dumb transformations and mental states to even just filling the time.
Maybe one day he'll admit that all that is basically the definition of friendship.
Her hand is incredibly small in his, sure-- but he's not stupid enough to doubt the strength there, having seen her pull off any number of impressive feats. From leaping and jumping great distances, to stepping in and watching Shinjiro's back during the fight with Rean, to her clean, professional-quality actions down in the black market, everything Fie did spoke to a lazy sort of strength, waiting in the wings.
But the contact is lost almost as soon as it began, and he can't keep back a small, amused smirk at the way she confidently throws on his coat, despite the overly-large shoulders and the length of it on her.]
With any luck, it ain't full of spiders and rats. [He speaks off hand as he follows to the door, reaching ahead to try the knob-- which, as expected, easily turns to open the door.] ...Well, either it's empty, or someone doesn't know how to use a lock. Anyway, go on ahead.
[Is it chivalry or just letting her take the fall if necessary. Unsure.]
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There's the initial distraction of Fie carefully climbing out the window and leading the way across houses-- likely to the disdain of whoever lives there. Her own footfalls are near silent, but as much improved balance and grip as his dumbass goat hooves manage, quiet is not one of their skills, clopping across shingles with every jump. But at least he can keep up with her, the small frame never getting too far ahead, before she finally dips down into a yard. Either someone's garden, or another abandoned home, left vacant for mirrorbound to eventually squat in.
As always, she's direct. She doesn't hesitate. She can likely feel his awkward, hopeless mess of self-loathing and uncertainty just as much as he can identify the tendrils of her concern, kept close to herself but present.
He slows to a halt under the tree, not quiet going to sit down at first-- if only because now that he's here he has to realize he has no idea what to say, or if this even had a point to it. There's a dozen or so seconds of pure silence and hesitation, slightly waving where he stands, as though subconsciously deciding between standing or fleeing.]
Before-- you were talking 'bout wanting to know more about people and why you did. And I shut you down pretty hard.
[He's never been good with words. Not for anything that actually matters. He'd rather have it all carefully worked out and settled in his own head, before trying to express it out loud-- but that can't happen, now, can it? He kicks lightly at the slightly-overgrown grass.]
I know you weren't like expecting anything back, or trying to dig or whatever. But even my excuses didn't make any sense.
[Eventually, he finally moves to sit on the grass himself- bent forward, forearms loosely crossed on top of bent knees.]
I can't get it outta my head. It's... [He frowns, brows furrowing for a moment, grasping for what to say-- before deciding to just blurt out the facts. She can feel his trouble regardless.]
I died today. Back home. And before that-- there was a lot've bad shit I was responsible for. And I keep thinking it's all done and settled and I'm over it, and it shouldn't matter, but...
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[It's so far from a question. Fie doesn't need their relatively new bond to tell her that, though it does help. On her end, there is some level of concern, but there's also a strange sense of patience and stability somehow. No expectations, no need for the whole story, she's letting him do it at his own pace. It's easiest for the both of them.
Only since Class VII has she started to accept and even talk about her own feelings, and she's still discovering how to do that. Most of it feels liberating in a way. It's a whole new level of honest truth to get used to. At least that's never something she's shied away from. Mostly.
A cool wind blows through the garden, causing the leaves in the tree above them to softly rustle. All things aside, it's actually peaceful here. Fie can see herself falling asleep like this sometime.
Fie sits there crosslegged and thinks. Listens, too. He seems to have sought her out for a reason even he's not entirely sure of yet. On some level he might want to talk? Or maybe just have someone around. Either is fine with her. The issue in front of them-- him?-- is figuring out what he wants. Even in something as small as this: sitting or talking. Deciding what's preferable is a step in the right direction. Her own experiences are a good reminder.
She glances over at him, eyes free from judgment or anticipation.]
What do you want to do? [It's a pretty loaded question. Well, it could be. Really, she wants him to interpret it himself. Partly because she really has no idea where to take this and partly because it's up to him to show her.]
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For once, he's almost thankful for that empathetic link, getting to leech off some of that stability he hasn't felt in years.
And so he nods, tension bleeding out from his shoulders and spine.]
...Yeah. It is.
[And he can't hide behind pretending it doesn't matter anymore, can't get by with just pretending that they all just appeared here from nothing, and that anything from before is just a story that actually means nothing.
Her question is a hard one. Because really-- he has no idea. He hadn't had to think about an actual future in years. And 'the future' means very different things to the kid he was then and the probably-still-a-kid he is now. When he'd first gotten here, he'd just wanted to be dead again. To avoid having to deal with this at all. But then his teammates had been here, and then he'd met Fie and Louis and even Shinjiro has to admit that they're all close friends now, seeing one another practically daily.
He lets a hand slide up into his hair as he drops his head slightly.]
I don't even know where to start with just doing, let alone with wanting. [At least the admission is something.]
It's been way harder to get used to being alive again than I thought. I keep thinking it'll be easy: just don't get caught up in something stupid, eat something, look half-decent. [Who would have guessed at how stark a difference there is between surviving and actually living.
It doesn't answer her question, though and he's painfully aware of that, lapsing into silence again as he tries to just.... think about that. As she had noted, though, the night breeze was cool and nice... and her choice of the garden was likely a good pick. It feels open and less personal, somehow.]
I guess what I really want's for it all to just go away. But that ain't about to happen.
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Nope. You're stuck with us now, despite whatever you do or don't share.
[There's a sense of finality to those words that leave pretty much no room for argument. Not that she thinks he would, not seriously, but it's not worth chancing. Fie lets that sit there before slowly exhaling.]
I think no matter what you decide to start with, it's going to be difficult. It'll be hard and frustrating, but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. [Her words are measured and even. Fie's not one to sugarcoat, and she knows he deserves better than that, especially from her now that he's come to her like this.] It's no guarantee it will be either.
[That much is true. They both need her to be honest, and she usually is when it's serious.]
Still, you owe it to yourself to try. There are people around who will help you, who want to help you. They know you can be better, and I think, deep down, you know that more than anyone else.
[Their bond conveys the level of sincerity in her words in a way no tone of voice ever could. She means everything she says and will continue to say. It's hard to tell where she got this level of faith in him, but there it is, out in the open for him to experience.
Fie looks him straight in the eyes.]
You're not a bad person, and you're not a coward. Running from things is easier, it always is. [A slight pause.] Where are you left then? Eventually you run out of places to go. Whenever you feel like you're ready, just face whatever it is. People will be waiting there for you.
[Fie pauses again, then adds.] I've been there myself, and it's what I still feel now.
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And so much of her initial words, he's ready to just write off as the standard 'keep trying, don't give up, always fight, always get stronger' bullshit that he's used to hearing-- mostly from Akihiko, really. And repetition really makes the concepts lose any meaning. People say it's going to be difficult and frustrating, and he knows and believes that, but it doesn't encouraging him to keep trying--
And he would have mostly tuned out, if it weren't for those last sentences. You're not a coward, even though running is easier.
That has him straighten up slightly, looking directly at her for, probably, the first real time tonight, meeting that near-luminescent green with visible surprise. It's not a point of view he'd ever considered. Because that's what he was, right? Always running, always taking the easy path, lying and telling himself that he was killing himself to protect other people, rather than face the fact that he just couldn't handle life--]
That's... not what most people'd say. [It's not a rejection of the thought. And it's a few extending moments before he's able to blink, to pull back from the depths of her stare, and to look out forward at the small garden they'd taken up residence in. Something that feels more like neutral ground. The cold night air and the breeze and the occasional flutter of an early-changing leaf, instead of something that feels so close.]
Even if I wanted to make up for it all... there ain't anything I can do here. And there's not anything I can do back home, either. [Seeing as.. well. He's dead. And according to Makoto and Fuuka, he had been for months. The struggled had ended, everything had happened, and there was no taking it back.] So it's like I'm stuck, but everything else just keeps going.
[He knows he probably isn't even making sense. But even just this little-- it helps. Feeling heard, and having Fie, without prompting, suddenly addressed and forgiven him of some of the biggest burdens she likely didn't even know he had. After a moment, he lets out a low sigh, shaking his head and curling up a bit more, shoulders hunching forward, even as another bit of wind picks up to sweep their commandeered patch of nature in the city.]
Damn it, I dunno what point I'm even trying to make about all this. [It's more so muttered to himself, almost as though to unconsciously withdraw the meaning from his own words-- though after a moment, he does allow himself to glance back at her, an attempt to stop retreating, even by the minimum standards.
And he's... really not sure how he missed the fact that she's out here in the early autumn night, peacefully sitting on the freezing ground, in just her thin tank and shorts. Absorbed in his own thoughts as always, probably.]
...Y'know, you're gonna freeze out here, dressed like that. You need a coat?
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You're not running now, right? Talking about it isn't something a coward would do.
[There's no mention of the bond, a huge reason for her opinion. People who are content to run don't dwell on their feelings and mull them over and over and over to the point of frustration she can feel he has. He's sharing and trying to figure things out. That takes a level of courage, whether he sees that or not.]
So just keep going. You might find reasons or your point along the way. [Fie leans back against the tree, not minding the feel of the bark against her back.] Talking about things can be a help. Maybe that's what you wanted to do here. Maybe not. Only you can figure that out.
[His comment about the cold is unexpected, and Fie looks at him, raising a brow. Sure, she's cold, but that wasn't the priority here. A friend came to her, so she's going to help them. Her own needs are secondary now, right?
She bites back a remark about him checking her out. Now's not the time.]
Probably not. I've been in worse. [Fie, that wasn't the question. She pauses.] Besides, you'd get cold, too, assuming you're not smuggling a second one somewhere.
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He wouldn't really say he was even talking about it. More so around it. Venting off frustrations with no real solutions. Not giving over any hard facts or events aside from his own death. There's entirely too much to delve into, and the longer he talks with Fie, the more he wonders if the specifics would really change anything.
(He has to think that they would. The'd have to. Killing someone wasn't something that could just be glazed over, treated as an accident the same as breaking a window.)
And so he shifts where he sits, tugging the lapels of his coat off his shoulders and shrugging out of it, before handing it over Fie's way. Like he'd said, he at least has actual clothes on underneath. A loose, long sleeved top, actual pants. But even that action is short-lived, and he can't drag the escape out for much longer, forced to actually face the comments she had made.]
You probably got a point, though. This ain't been too bad. [He still feels lost, in a way. But less alone in it. And maybe that was the point. Not any definitive absolution or milestones, but instead simply being able to curse and breathe out 'this sucks' and knowing there's someone who will agree with you.
Nothing's been solved, but maybe it doesn't have to be, not just yet.] Not like anything's fixed but-- it ain't bad.
I'll have to think a bit and get back to you about whatever it is I'm wanting to do, though. I dunno if that's so easy to decide.
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[Still, the night is chilly enough for her to take the coat without much further commentary. Fie doesn't put it on right away, instead positioning it like a blanket over herself, still leaning agains the tree.]
I guess it's the least you can do for whisking a maiden out of the safety of her room in the middle of the night. [Look, something else to lighten the mood. It's her usual teasing tone, too.
Fie relaxes now that she's not as cold and stifles a yawn. It's still calm, enough to lull her into a sense of security. She's with someone she trusts, too. With her friends gone across the continent for the last month until recently, she knows she would've felt almost lost with Louis and Shinjiro to be around. The recent bonds and their help with her self assigned mission only solidified that idea for her. Now it's her turn to be there for one of them. In a way.]
Of course it's not easy to decide. Didn't I already say none of it's going to be easy? [It's not a lecture, more of an amused reminder, as she does.] Try starting with something small. Like you... want to go roof hopping at dawn to see the sun rise or whatever.
[By now, Fie's shimmied herself from the trunk of the tree to laying with her back on the grass to look up at the night sky, somehow having the entire rest of her under the coat. She's colder than she'll admit.]
Looking at new stars isn't so bad.
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[But really, it wasn't a bad call. It put that much more perceived distance between them and reality, for one. And then there wasn't the chance of bothering and keeping up Fie's housemates, for another. Especially the bird-guy, who Shinjiro hadn't talked to since their scrap in the streets and didn't intend to go out of his way to.
But regardless of his token dismissive protesting, he lets her take the jacket without problem. Sure, he does get cold easily-- but it's nothing he can't handle for a short while.
He moves a hand flat out onto the ground behind him, leaning back into it as she speaks. And again, this is something he hadn't really considered. That this could be incremental. Small. It's so much different than his growling snarling argument with Makoto about people deserving to know his past, about the necessity of truth. It's different from the idea that things were either everything or they were nothing, or that there was nothing in between wanting to be dead again or embracing life fully.
And so, feeling slightly more settles about being unsettled (if that made any sense at all,) his lips curl up in something almost like a smile.]
Hard pass on that one. Like I'd ever wanna get up that early. [It's a dry tease, though, and he shifts to be leaning back on his elbows instead, following Fie's gaze up at the sky above. Despite the size of Aefenglom, all the magitech lights, there's still such a clean view of them on the occasional cloudless night.]
...Back home, in the city, I'd never be able to see more than a couple real bright ones. And half the time, they turned out to just be planes. [An amused noise, before he glances over to her.] Why, you interested in learning these ones?
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[The settled feeling travels through the bond, and it surprises her in a pleasant way. Fie isn't completely sure whether anything she says actually helps or if he simply reasons it out on his own. Regardless, it's nice that he's not as conflicted as before. People dealing with their own demons (metaphorical or not) isn't new to her, neither is being there if they need her. But this is the first time that's happening with her possessing very little context to whatever's going on. Before, at least she shared a home world with people.
She feels his eyes on her and tilts her head to meet him. There's only so many angles she can move her head when she's laying flat on the ground.]
Not so much interested in learning. More like just able to enjoy them. [A small hum escapes her.] At home, I traveled all over the continent, so the stars were always something familiar-- not that I really needed it. It was just fun to think that way.
[Shinjiro is close enough, so Fie scoots over and lifts one side of the jacket so it's partially covering both of them. Sharing is caring. Her gaze shifts back to the night sky.]
Remember what you asked me about last full moon, about what I wanted to do after I graduated? I'm okay to talk about that now if you still want to know.
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He tilts his head as she moves closer to their can share the blanket- Half over her, half over his legs. And finally he'll join her in laying back completely, arms folding up under his head as he stares up at the sky as well.]
Guess it makes sense. if it's the only constant thing you've got, you'll keep looking back to it.
[A pause, and-- this really is the time to let her share as well, isn't it? She'd accepted the burden of his uncertainty and turmoil, listened and talked. So he could do the same for her in response. Even if it was something she was settled and comfortable with, she had brought it up, and he had no reason to deny her that.]
Sure. What was so important for you? You mentioned it was kinda heavy.
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They were the top in the continent alongside another group, Red Constellation. About three years ago for me, the two groups fought, and the leaders killed each other. Zephyr broke up, and Sara, our class's instructor took me to Thors.
[She falls silent for a moment, shifting upward somewhat so she's closer to his head than not. It's important. She doesn't want to be talking to his ribs.]
During the civil war, we met up with some former members of Zephyr who were hired by the noble faction. We fought a couple times, but it was nice to see them again. Near the end... they mentioned they were going to bring back the boss. And then they left without telling me anything.
[A small huff escapes her, both indignant and resigned at the same time. Her head turns to look at Shinjiro, eyes unreadable.]
That's why I decided to graduate early. I joined the Bracer Guild with Sara. That lets me travel around so I can find answers to what they were talking about and why they split and left me like that. I want to know.
[That's the summation of it, as brief and simple as she can make it. Her gaze is on him as she waits for him to reply or give his take on this. Fie's not of the mind that it'd change anything about their friendship now, but she still wants to know.]
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He turns slightly as she shifts up, closer and more level with him, as opposed to being as far down as their height differences usually leave her, and keeps watching her expression as she speaks. As usual, it's controlled and even. And if he didn't have the bond with her, maybe he'd be stumped by her blank slate facade.
Even with the bond, she's a tough read. But there's certainly something. Or else this wouldn't be so important to her.]
And what do you think about it. Bringing the guy back somehow, if it were possible.
[Clearly she wants to know the reasons and why they left, why they didn't so much as offer for her to rejoin. She'd already said as much. But this is surely a far more complicated situation than that.]
...And if they did, would you wanna go back to 'em?
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[A sigh escapes her, and she looks up at the sky again.] I know they broke up and left after the boss died because he ordered them to. Wanted me out of the life. But I still want to ask why it had to be done that way. Weren't there better ways of doing that?
Bringing him back, though? I dunno...
[Quiet overtakes her again as another breeze blows through the garden, letting the rustling leaves take over the focus of attention. With the wind, the temperature takes a slight dip, one Fie doesn't notice as much thanks to the jacket still covering her. This topic isn't one she discusses much at home. She and Sara know her goals, and that's all they really need. Becoming a senior bracer, getting used to working with the others, and continuing to improve working on her own if need be. It's a lot to occupy her, so her search takes a place on the back burner often enough. Not in a bad way. It's what the boss wanted, right?
Her eyes settle back on Shinjiro, a little contemplative now, like she's trying to figure something out. Another moment passes. A small smile crosses her face. Nothing wry or smug or teasing. Just a contented smile of being with someone she likes.]
Thanks. [For what? She's not entirely sure herself, but she wants to say it, needed or not. There's a little pang of affection through the bond, type uncertain. That's all right. Everything doesn't need to be figured out right away. Or ever.]
Are you feeling better than you were?
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Fie must have been young, then. When they disbanded, when she went her own way. She was close to his own age, right? And all this happened three years prior... He can't say he blames them for seeing a better opportunity for her, with her age and her skills, and going for it.]
Might have been the only way they could see. But figuring it out's one thing, hearing it straight from them is another.
[He doesn't pry too much at the idea of bringing back her father figure. It's a topic he's clearly biased in, and one that may not even be real or possible for them back home. So he'll give space for her to figure it out in her own time. Of course, his first question would be 'would the boss even want that?' but it's something for everyone to figure out on their own.
The smile is something almost reassuring, though-- and awkwardly, tentatively, his own lips quirk up for a few short moments as though to mirror it.]
Dunno why you're thanking me. I'm the one keeping you up way too late.
[But it's just a bit of self depreciating humor, and after that moment passes, he turns his gaze back upwards, towards that massive void and the twin moons. It's not any weirder than anything else, really- the old timey cobblestone streets and the stone houses, all the weirdness. But it's definitely one of the most prominent, the one that cements that they're truly in another world completely, rather than anything based off earth.
At her last question, he pauses, considering for a moment. He did feel a bit better, even though he knows nothing has been resolved. He's still unsure what to do with this strange second life. Not sure he even deserves it. Not sure what it means or if he even did the right things back home. Or if he even wants it. But it feels less consuming, now. Less oppressive and devouring deep in his chest, now that he's tried to put the words out and had someone patiently listen.]
Yeah. I think. I mean, I still haven't got any of it settled. But I'm feeling like that's... okay, I guess. Like there's time to figure it out. No matter what I feel about it, I ain't gonna be kicking it again anytime soon, I think.
[Hell, without the suppressants, he's even been feeling physically better since arriving. Which is wild.]
I've butt heads a few times with Makoto about whether or not shit from back home is worth even bringing up or whatever. And it always felt like it's either all or nothing. So I guess it's good to know that the people I like here don't care about that kinda thing.
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[His comment about keeping her up too late actually earns a chuckle as she shakes her head, still resting on the ground. They both know it's a load of bullshit. Most nights Fie has a decent chance of being up then anyway, this one was a rare occurrence of that not being the case. He appeared at her window needing to see her, so she obliged. ... without shoes. Or a jacket. If there's a next time, she'll be better prepared then.
For now, she's glad he's feeling more at ease with the situation-- whatever the situation entirely is. Whatever he decides to do or tell whomever, it's up to him to go at his own pace. Realizing that is more of a relief for him than anything else it seems. Fie can't blame him for that at all. Having more control over a situation always makes someone calmer.]
Oh, good. You're more fun to be around not dead. [If he's going to be that casual about it, she'll move to match. No need to get heavy if he's not.] Your own pace is fine, but I will say, if you mention something without much context, I might ask for some if it doesn't make sense.
[But now, Fie's lips press together as she fights back a smile. He said it first, so of course she's going to latch on and not let go. She turns on her side to face him, elbow on the ground with her cheek resting in her palm. There's definitely a smirk in place now.]
So you like me, huh?
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[He'll return it in kind. Because his death is a simple fact, and tiptoeing around it isn't doing anyone any favours. He doesn't need to be treated like he's delicate or traumatized or or like it's something taboo to mention. He died back home, and somehow is alive here, and that's all they have to know. To be honest, it's more comfortable to be able to say it and joke about it without anyone getting depressed or affirming that they'd find a way to get him home or some other stupid nonsense.
As the conversation takes a moment to dip towards something more real, he nods.]
...Yeah. I'll remember that. And try not to freak again like I did last time. [Maybe freak was too strong of a word for his reaction, but he'd sure had a moment of near-panic and not knowing what to do, having that sudden mental clash of opposing worldviews. And he's sure they would even accept a vague explanation. Something as simple as 'I'm terrified of going feral here, because something like that's already happened to me before, and I couldn't stop it.' But even now, the words feel too heavy, too real, especially with Fie already turning up towards him to be an absolute shit.
A scowl, and he pulls his hands out from behind his head, lightly shoving her upturned shoulder, as though to knock her back onto the grass.]
Don't be stupid. If I didn't like you and Louis, I wouldn't hang out with you guys. You're not that pushy.
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[And she's fine with that. He even admits it's not his best time in not so many words. Maybe he wouldn't want them to see him like that, take him as he is now instead. Either way wouldn't really matter to her, but that's not the important thing.
Fie finds herself chuckling a little. Admitting to the former and bringing up his reaction about their previous talk? Someone's on a roll tonight. Maybe more middle of the night heart to hearts are needed. Not that she's saying that part aloud. Someone might strongly object ahead of time. If it's going to happen, she'll just show up at his window. ... again.]
Freak out or not, it's fine. I'm not going to push you for anything unless I think I need to know. Or you're being dumb. [When he pushes her shoulder Fie moves with it, but doesn't fall back, grin turning into a sincere smile as she locks eyes with him. There's that earnest look once again, the one she gets when she's speaking from the heart.]
I like you, too, Shinjiro. [Ooh, she said his name. There's that pang of affection through the bond again.] I'm glad you came to me tonight to talk about things. I can't promise I'll be able to say anything to help, but I'll always listen.
[Fie waits to see his reaction, only returning to laying down when she's satisfied, this time just a little closer to him than before. It's getting colder, okay?]
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He does scoff at the comment of his 'being dumb' with another exaggerated eye roll.]
Yeah, I got it. [A pause, and he'll finally concede:] Thanks.
[He tilts his head slightly at the sincere look and the easy statement-- and with that bright spark of warmth in his chest filtering through their bond, it almost feels like a confession. And so he huffs and looks back starward again, as though the void of the dark could hide the pink heat at his cheeks.]
...Yeah. [It's a bit clipped from faint embarrassment, but he's going to do his damndest to pretend it isn't, especially with her creeping closer to him to ward off the chill of the night air. He nudges her with an elbow as she draws closer, the lines of their bodies close to making contact there on the damp, dewy grass, each breeze knocking a few leaves down from above them.]
If you're cold, we could just go somewhere else, you know. I'm sure there's plenty've places open all night, what with vampires being a thing.
[or she could return home if she was tired, but that's for her to decide. He already knows he'll probably continue being awake the rest of the night, lightly falling right back into his thoughts and tearing thoughts, so... postponing that for a little longer is hardly a bad thing.]
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His suggestion has her rolling her eyes a little, for one reason really.]
Like where? I'm still in my pajamas. Without shoes.
[Not even pajamas passing as clothes. There's no mistaking what she's wearing, and while roof jumping in bare feet is doable (somehow), walking into an established business probably isn't. Even Fie has standards sometimes. Shocking.
He gets an elbow back in return, and she sighs.]
If you're this uncomfortable right now, it's fine. I can go back and grab shoes and a coat or something. Know anywhere specifically?
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He gives a soft grunt at the elbow at his ribs, and rolls his eyes.] I ain't uncomfortable.
[Not physically, anyway. A little cold, sure, but otherwise comfortable enough laying out here on the grass. But if he's chilly, with his long sleeves and pants, he can't imagine what Fie might be feeling. And... yeah, maybe he's trying to deny how discomforted (if not quite uncomfortable) the emotional closeness is. As little as this openness has been, it's more than he's allowed himself for a long time. Probably even more so than when he'd spoken with Ken right before his death, so deadset on resolution, trying to reject any hint of emotion.
He shakes his head at the question.]
I haven't really gone out at night much. Makoto's out all the time, but I don't really ask him about it. [And, well, the vampire bar probably isn't up Fie's alley.] It was more I didn't want you freezing to death.
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A small laugh escapes her when he mentions her freezing to death. Really? It's weirdly sweet (?) in a way and very entertaining.]
I'm touched and insulted at the same time. [She grins over at him.] Yep, I'm cold, but I've survived much worse. It's fine. Woulda been nice if the tail stuck around, though. Maybe this month.
[The tail from her transformation during the full moon. It was long and furry and warm. It'd do them both some good right now.
Fie draws her legs a little closer to her at the mention of the cold. Talking about it brings it to the front of her mind, but she doesn't comment on it anymore.]
If you want, I'm pretty sure this house is abandoned, so we could check inside for something else. Nothing to lose, right? [She leaves the actual decision up to him.]
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But when she laughs, it sparks a small half-smile of his own, the amusement something contagious.]
Hey, I'm trying to be nice. You're like half my size, of course I'm gonna think you're cold. Especially with the way you kept that things wrapped around everyone last month.
[The tail was definitely cute, though. In general, that is. Thick and fluffy and spotted, and for some reason looking right at home on her. She seemed to be taking to her own transformation with far more grace than a lot of other monsters did- Everything sort of slotting in naturally, suiting the person she already was.
He finally sits up, legs folding to sit cross-legged, and hands resting loosely in his lap, over his own weirdly-shaped... whatever the fuck his ankles had become right above the hooves.]
I'm pretty sure you just like breaking into places. [But the huff of breath has a smile to it, and he shrugs.] But yeah, sounds good. If anyone's there, we can just act like we got confused.
[Or like they had just gotten there. After all, he definitely remembers being told to just find a place to live, having no clue which houses were taken and which weren't. Finally, he plants a hand on the grass, before shoving himself upright and offering a hand down to her. Not that Fie needs it, but... whatever.]
Alright. Let's explore an abandoned house.
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Maybe some day.
But not now. Fie takes some of that emotional confidence with a smile of her own when he mentions her tailed affection of the previous month. It's nothing hard to admit to after all.]
You two were there when I needed you. I appreciated that. Still do.
[Claiming she likes her some good old B&E doesn't elicit an objection, the closest to an admission he'll get right about now. Well, that and the gleam in her eye when he makes the claim. She nods, sitting up as well, and taking his hand when it's offered. Hers is naturally smaller than his, but still warm, a sharp contrast to his colder, rougher palm.
When she stands, the long overcoat slides to the ground leaving Fie in her pajamas again. She picks it up and puts it on properly, the bottom brushing the back of her calves. It's almost comical how she looks in it, something she refuses to acknowledge right now.]
Sounds like fun to me. [And off she goes to the back door.]
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I mean.... we didn't really do much and I'm sure it ain't gonna be the only time any of us need that kinda thing. But we're a team, right?
[That's how he's more comfortable of thinking about it. Out loud, at least. Back home, he was part of a team with SEES to eradicate shadows... and here, he'd found his own team, each of them looking out for one another with everything Aefenglom would throw at them, from dumb transformations and mental states to even just filling the time.
Maybe one day he'll admit that all that is basically the definition of friendship.
Her hand is incredibly small in his, sure-- but he's not stupid enough to doubt the strength there, having seen her pull off any number of impressive feats. From leaping and jumping great distances, to stepping in and watching Shinjiro's back during the fight with Rean, to her clean, professional-quality actions down in the black market, everything Fie did spoke to a lazy sort of strength, waiting in the wings.
But the contact is lost almost as soon as it began, and he can't keep back a small, amused smirk at the way she confidently throws on his coat, despite the overly-large shoulders and the length of it on her.]
With any luck, it ain't full of spiders and rats. [He speaks off hand as he follows to the door, reaching ahead to try the knob-- which, as expected, easily turns to open the door.] ...Well, either it's empty, or someone doesn't know how to use a lock. Anyway, go on ahead.
[Is it chivalry or just letting her take the fall if necessary. Unsure.]
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